Things I expected and didn't expect to feel about deployment

There were multiple things I truly expected to feel and do this deployment. I expected to feel sad, miss my husband, overwhelmed with our children, and like time was at a standstill. I knew I would send emails and care packages when I could.

   I NEVER expected to feel or do others that I have this deployment thus far. I did not expect the immense pride I have in my husband. It literally brings me to tears how proud of how great at his job he is, how he loves his marines, and while doing his job he manages to be an amazing husband and father! I am also so proud to be his wife! I didn't expect to be in constant fear that we will go into another war and he will be put directly in the middle of it. I also did not expect to feel this lonely. Even with my family and friends around, I feel incredibly lonely. There are days, I would kill for a hug from my husband! I never expected to be the wife that checks her email 100x a day. Or get excited when I see I have an email or get disappointed that it's just someone repinning something on Pinterest! Dang you Pinterest!! I never expected to cry over silly things. Like his body wash in the shower, or seeing a movie preview I know he'd love. I also didn't expect to always be looking out for something I could send in his next care package! I don't buy almost anything for myself anymore. It's all kids and Jake stuff. Even money and gift cards sent to me, goes to them. And the funny thing is, I wouldn't change it for the world except if I could have my husband home! 

    I also didn't expect to get angry. Those women who say "oh my husband was out of town for a month on business, I know how you feel!" No, you $&*%#+! don't ! You could call, text, email your husband probably on a daily w! You didn't have to fear for his safety. You didn't have to avoid the news for fear that you would see yet another war breaking out! I am not saying being separated fr a spouse is easy but it's not the same when you get to hear yours' voice. I haven't spoken to my husband in months. Emails are scattered and its 2 weeks+ since I have received one. Sorry to vent. It just makes me angry to hear how people understand when they really don't.

    I'm sure the longer this deployment goes on the more I will have to write about the feelings. The biggest feeling I have is I love my husband soooooo much and I will wait for him until the end of time(hopefully this deployment doesn't last that long) :)