Tucker is 3 months old!

So our baby is 3 months old now! He loves to try and sit up supported. He still goes from smiling and cooing one second to strAight out, bloody murder, screaming the next. He constantly has to be moving. His aunt Elizabeth has spoiled him by bouncing him constantly in his bouncer so he doesn't have to do any of the work. He makes the sounds mama but I wouldn't count it as a word yet. I keep trying to have him say "dada" as I show him the video of Jake every day. It's not happening haha! He's learning to grab for things, including mommy's hair especially when he nurses! Which he is still exclusively breastfeeding and going strong! He weighs 14 lbs 3oz and is 25.25 in long!

   

Asher is still doing great. He has had quite the attitude lately. He's 4 going on 16. The other night he asked if he could skip his bath and just use deodorant! I'm not ready for a smelly boy yet! He is the pickiest eater also! The kid would much rather eat fruit all day than a real meal! Dinner time usually is a fight. 

 

 I am doing well. I recently started a bible study with the other moms from Asher's school. I'm trying to get out of my dark hidey hole and interact with people. 

   Jake is doing great! He is working out and training. He says hi to everyone! 

After 3 weeks of checking email 1000x a day... Sweet relief!

    We are in the last week in February !! I can not even begin to explain how excited that makes me! We are inching away from December and getting closer to the time frame Jake will be home! Heard from Jake yesterday! He is healthy, happy and safe! They were doing some training so he had no time to contact us. I was so happy to hear from him, I cried. Oh, who am I kidding, I cry all the time. I finally hit my 5k distance while running. Now I'm working on increasing my time! I am officially pre pregnancy weight but still 30lbs heavier than I want to be. I'm extremely blessed to have all the support in my life. So many people , in so many different aspects of my life have really helped me in so many ways!

    Asher is starting a weekly youth group this week. He is very excited! Also was invited to his first party that mommy wasn't friends with the other mommy! I'm so excited for him! He's had a wicked cold this last week. Poor guy, he just does not feel well. Hoping he's on his way to being healthy again!

    Tucker will be 3 months on Sunday! Be prepared for more adorable pictures:) he has stayed healthy even with a sick big brother at home. He's been talking so much this past few days! He also has slept through the night the last two nights! Fingers crossed it stays that way!!

 

    That's all for us for now:) love to you all!

Yes, I struggle... A lot

A wise friend of mine told me today, "it's ok to struggle." I have tried so hard to put on a brave face. I've felt like I've let everyone down by not being strong, by breaking down. Everyone is always telling me how strong I am and I want to be tgat for everyone. But I may look strong but I struggle. I cry myself to sleep, I cry in the shower, I cry in my car... I feel overwhelmed a lot. Not for lack of people to help me. I am extremely lucky with the amazing family support and help I get! I just have been dealing with so much. I have issues with Asher's bio dad. The other day was my last day in the army. I may not have done much in the last few months but I always knew that door was cracked. Now, it's slammed shut. It makes me feel completely useless. But here is the beauty of this all. And it came to me in a cliche moment, running into stormy clouds. This shall pass. I may be stuck in some dark clouds but I can see the sunlight on the other side! 

Things I expected and didn't expect to feel about deployment

There were multiple things I truly expected to feel and do this deployment. I expected to feel sad, miss my husband, overwhelmed with our children, and like time was at a standstill. I knew I would send emails and care packages when I could.

   I NEVER expected to feel or do others that I have this deployment thus far. I did not expect the immense pride I have in my husband. It literally brings me to tears how proud of how great at his job he is, how he loves his marines, and while doing his job he manages to be an amazing husband and father! I am also so proud to be his wife! I didn't expect to be in constant fear that we will go into another war and he will be put directly in the middle of it. I also did not expect to feel this lonely. Even with my family and friends around, I feel incredibly lonely. There are days, I would kill for a hug from my husband! I never expected to be the wife that checks her email 100x a day. Or get excited when I see I have an email or get disappointed that it's just someone repinning something on Pinterest! Dang you Pinterest!! I never expected to cry over silly things. Like his body wash in the shower, or seeing a movie preview I know he'd love. I also didn't expect to always be looking out for something I could send in his next care package! I don't buy almost anything for myself anymore. It's all kids and Jake stuff. Even money and gift cards sent to me, goes to them. And the funny thing is, I wouldn't change it for the world except if I could have my husband home! 

    I also didn't expect to get angry. Those women who say "oh my husband was out of town for a month on business, I know how you feel!" No, you $&*%#+! don't ! You could call, text, email your husband probably on a daily w! You didn't have to fear for his safety. You didn't have to avoid the news for fear that you would see yet another war breaking out! I am not saying being separated fr a spouse is easy but it's not the same when you get to hear yours' voice. I haven't spoken to my husband in months. Emails are scattered and its 2 weeks+ since I have received one. Sorry to vent. It just makes me angry to hear how people understand when they really don't.

    I'm sure the longer this deployment goes on the more I will have to write about the feelings. The biggest feeling I have is I love my husband soooooo much and I will wait for him until the end of time(hopefully this deployment doesn't last that long) :)

2 months down... Another billion(not really) to go

    Well, Jake has been gone for two months now. He's doing well. Been doing a lot of training and long days I hear. I haven't had an email in two weeks:( hopefully his schedule calms down again so I am able to hear from him. To be honest, this last few days I have struggled. I miss my husband. I miss being able to call and laugh at the silly things I just saw and wanted to share with him. It feels like I have forever to go until he comes home. I try to fill my time with things like running, scrapbooking, reading, etc. It dulls the pain slightly.  

    I signed up for my first 5k since having Tucker! I am really excited for it! That's about all the exciting news about me.

    Asher is doing super well in school! We've been working on letter sounds at home. He can tell you the 5 vowels:) he's such a fast learner and a bright kid!! He is always full of energy. We started a sticker chart, like the one he has at school, to help promote good behavior and listening. We still struggle with it. He also wanted to make sure I shared that he sleeps only in his underwear because he's a boy. He keeps me on my toes that's for sure. He learned about the presidents Lincoln and Washington. He's been calling Abraham Lincoln- Abracan lincoln! So funny!

    Tucker is still growing and continuing to learn. He is still exclusively breastfeeding and doing well with it! He eats a ton during the day but only gets up once through the night. He is the smelliest breast fed baby I have ever met! TMI I know but it's true. He can clear a room. He is drooling everywhere and enjoys blowing spit bubbles. He loves laying on his playmat and watching the lights and hitting the toys. He is a huge music fan! He loves to be sang to. He also loves to jump and bounce around while you're holding him standing up on your lap or in his excersaucer. He stillhas  quite a temper. But his moods are more happy now.

    That's us for now. Still impatiently waiting on daddy!!

Valentine's Day

    Valentine's Day sucks when you're single, but it sucks even worse when you have someone but you can not spend it with them. So, I have a date with my aunt! It'll be the first long period of time with out Tucker since he's been born. Hopefully, I don't freak out too much! I will also probably go for a run which I totally LOVE... NOT! I have been doing the c25k program, which sucks but it's definitely getting me somewhere. I am 4 lbs from prepregnancy weight! 

    Asher had his Valentine's Day party yesterday. When we were buying his cards, he ran to the transformers ones, saying how cool they were, then proceeded to pick up the princess ones. When I asked him why he picked those. He responded that one of the girls in his class needed girl cards! So we bought both. I'm going to have my hands full with my little Casanova :) He also bought a card for our hairdresser. He refused to let anyone give it to her, he had to do it. So the day we took it to her, he got all dressed up asking if he looked "stylish". 

    Tucker had his 2 month appt last week. He weighed in at 12lbs 10oz and is 23.5 in long. That is the same length as Asher but 3 lbs lighter. Tucker is still exclusively breastfed. I am constantly feeding this kid! He handled his shots like a champ! He is drooling everywhere ! I think we might be starting the teething process early. Which is fitting I suppose. Between the sensitive tummy, restless nights, shots and now teething, he's going to get all the fussiness out of the way now and be the angelic baby by the time daddy comes home! 

Introduction to our crazy life!

    Well, where to begin?! Jacob and I have had a whirlwind first year of marriage.

Not long after we got married, we found out we were pregnant with our youngest son, Tucker. We have a 4 yr old son, Asher, who I had from a previous relationship.

We moved from Virginia to North Carolina a few months after that. When Jake reported to his new unit(he's a navy corpsman attached to a Marine infantry unit) we found out he'd be deploying... Days after my due date.

    We decided that I'd go home to Idaho before I had Tucker so I had family just in case the baby didn't come on time. After weeks of contractions and no progress, our dr. scheduled an induction so Jake would be able to be there for the birth of his son! At 10:30pm on December 1, 2015, Tucker Mark Thomas was born.

Later that night, he began having breathing problems. He would stop breathing for 20+ seconds at a time. He was sent to the NICU.  We felt like we were living a nightmare. This wasn't what we had planned for. Jake had to leave a few days later and all his time with his son was spent in the hospital. 

    Jake left December 5 to return to North Carolina to get ready for deployment. Tucker was still in the hospital but we had a discharge plan for a couple days later. My parents really stepped in and helped me survive after Jake left(they still are). Tucker was discharged with an apnea monitor and we returned to my parents house. Let me tell you, those dang monitors go off for no reason all the time! We were still able to talk to Jake via phone, text, and FaceTime. Tucker's monitor was discontinued just before Jake boarded the ship.

    Asher has since started preschool, half a day,5 days a week. Tucker is 2 months old, healthy and growing. We hear from Jake about once a week, give or take. This is my way of keeping everyone informed and hopefully letting Jake read about our crazy life without daddy!